I have always disliked major holidays, especially ones packed full with meanings that require other people to complete. Reunions, gatherings, stuff like that.

Maybe I am just a little too good at taking perspectives. I never failed to see the darker side in every happy day. All Chinese New Year reminds me is how alone I am, in this country and in this world. There is no one who will not eventually walk out of my life (or the other way round). There is no one who can celebrate every joy or sorrow with me. There is no one who can come close to understanding me. There is no one who will not disappoint me. There is none.

If one has never tasted joy, he will not know the extent of his sorrow. Only through joy we see pain. Yet without pain, we may never experience joy.

What hateful creatures we are.

I dislike major holidays. I dislike January. Especially this one.

Homework sem 2 week 1 part 1:
2.1428571428571428571428571428571... times the sum of the workload of a month long project last sem.

Well, this escalated quickly.

I have full confidence though, at least I think I have. Through the last project, we learned how to cheat well. At least I did. Must admit my dear professor doesn't have the most motivating of personalities. Facing him in group was a dread. Facing him alone, looking at his disappointed face, I feel like stabbing myself in the face with a knife (admittedly I handled it this time much better).

A shitty first day... I am a usually a very lucky guy. However, when it rains, it pours. I feel like yelling at people right now, knowing fully well that I can't. Well, work's not going to do it self.

Is it strange to see futures? Have you ever came across anyone whom embodies the future of someone you know now? It is this extremely strange feeling. You simply know that him or her will become that. It is definitely not always a joyous feeling. You do see futures that can be sad. In fact, most of them are sad in some ways. Yet there are always joy somewhere in their, anywhere.

It's been happening for a while so I am not too concerned by it anymore. It is not like a future that is "written down" or something, I simply see potentials, matches in personality and stuff like that. Thing is, this time I think I see what I could become. Too, it is much closer to home than I thought. It is not exactly a happy life, but not a sad one either.

After much thought, I honestly doubt I will end up the same. So yea... It is potentially possible.


Now, Beijing! Beautiful place, more so than I thought and imagined. Yet it is an extremely sad place as well. Normally, we lament about how the people changed and are no longer the same while the places dear to us stay and in some sense lost meaning. In my case, much of those places are gone too, in just ten short years. Things change. Everything change. Everybody change.

Why?

There is no reason. Because we are what we are, change.

This is in Singapore. And the message from a fortune cookie on the table says: The one you are looking for is right in front of you.

And birthday cake from my dear CG.

The start of Beijing. A trip into my childhood.

The junction I crossed thousands of times

A walk way in twilight.

I used to be one of them.

Coming out of this school and this gate was once me. I am still here, school building and gate both gone.

The lady is still here though.

Running across a road.

This ancient park is still here.

Where I used to live, a long time ago.

The bus stop of endless summers.

Red just like those years ago.

Some of the most disgusting food in the world. Ha!

Some really good tea, 2 Chinese cents per bowl!

Live scorpion.

Catching up with photos. A more dreamy, theoretical set. Turned out pretty amazing.

Luke 4:23 is where this phrase is from. It asks whoever (in this case Jesus himself) trying to help others to first rid of defect within oneself. In other word, a paradigm where an imperfect body cannot possibly help those who are also imperfect. And of course, I beg to differ.

It has been some time since the scandal of my church broke out. And it perfectly illustrates how we can never have nice things in this world. There are only two possible outcomes. One, my dear pastor is declared guilty of misappropriating funds. At this point of time, we can say that power corrupts and therefore, our innocence is just that little bit more broken. Two, he is declared guilt free which in a way, is a scarier result. It means that when we do have something nice, we then need to use twice the effort to defend people from holding grudges about our success. It means that we need to defend against everyone who tries to pick fault within us. Worse, such opposition may come from inside. All it takes is just a simple thought: there must be something wrong because he is more successful than I. No nice things!

Arguably, this ordeal may not be a bad thing for my church. Through these years, many started to view going to my church as something hip. It is of course good to save people through a change in view. And many became fervent Christians during this journey. Many didn't make this transformation. As we turn unpopular, they are usually the ones who leave. Difficulty shed away the unnecessary and strengthens the core.

During this event, many has also begin to question the ability of positive influence when the leadership itself comes into question. "Physician, cure thyself" they said. Yet who dares to proclaim perfect? Nobody. Does that mean nobody is illegible to help others? Isn't someone who has experienced imperfection and overcame it the perfect candidate for guiding others' through it as well? The best guide is one who has been through the route he is walking on after all.

Just some thought about this whole church issue.

And of course, Dr. Who!

And some photographs, stocked up during the semester. First, a fantastic performance by 雷阳!