Have you ever been haunted by the imaginary friends you had from your youth before? Well, I just had such an encounter. It was extremely sad and somewhat scary...

You see, when I was young, I always dreamed of building this humongous self-sustaining mansion. There are factories that provide its resident with food of all sorts of food out of no where and everything is generally awesome. Every time I read about a new animal, I will "bring" it into my imaginary world and make it my friend. I accumulated quite a number of them until some day, when I just forgot about everything... until 2 days ago.

I had a dream. In this dream, I was talking to the mayor of a town. The town seems to be deserted with only animals running around. And the mayor is the only human being. He told me that he is old, everybody is old and no longer the same. He seemed to be genuinely surprised that I can still go to that town and told me that I should leave. We walked towards a train station and on the way, he introduced me to different members of the town. A humanoid cat with wings wearing a mouse costume living in the clock tower. Camels and other creatures who could once talk but no longer seem to retain any of their humanity in them. As we are reaching the train station, he suddenly stopped. "You should go, it's time." And I was awake. I tried to use my imaginations to continue, to go back but I couldn't.

Then I realized that the mayor is me, the old me. He didn't grow old, it was I who has changed. It made me wonder if everything till now is worth it. Maybe childhood is indeed the best time of a life...

Anyway, moving on to photography. Had a trip with 3 guys to city area. The weather wasn't great and everything seems to work against us (somewhat). Still, it's a good practice and a good exercise.

I just committed myself in retaking A Levels.

I admit that I have not thought it through. I don't know if I still want to go to UK. Singapore has become a place where I can't seem to let go anymore. Unknowingly, I started to call this place home. Leaving here, leaving all my friends behind would really, really, really suck. I don't know if I can do it. 6 months, 2 months per subject. Heh... And other reasons I don't really want to reveal to the general public.

Yet I still went forward. I guess part of me really want to go to UK, part of me is still curious about the cutting edge of architecture.

Hahahahaha! Should I pray for success in A Level? Or should I pray for things that would require me to stay in Singapore? Or maybe, just maybe, He'll provide a solution for it all. Something that I have considered impossible. Well... Wish that is so.

He has never failed to surprise me. When everything thing seems so bleak, He gave me hope. Therefore, I will trust Him again. I trust that no matter the outcome, it will be the best for me and I would thank Him for it.

Wish me luck.

I've been doing 3 posters recently, motivational posters. The result should be pretty interesting.

Anyway, there's something that I must talk about - my bloody hair! Usually, I don't give a damn about it. I just let my parents do whatever they want (trust me, their concept to haircut is quite... interesting...). However, this time, it is a little too much. And it's not cut by my parents. It's done by one of those "10 min 10 dollars" haircut services and man... It's horrible... My hair currently looks like it's cut out of a bowl right now... -_-... I'll never go to that place again...

Sunset is something I've photographed a few times. It's pretty but gets boring after a while (trying to think of new angles and methods to photography a sunset for a while already but I'm not really good enough to come up with any so far). Therefore, I went for a change and photographed sunrise instead.

I must say that a gradual neutral density filter is really useful even applied only in post editing.

This series of photos also serves as an interesting documentation of the process of sunrise in a cloudy day, the transformation of the sky and surroundings.


I must admit that the bokeh is more lovely than anything I've seen before. Completely creamy and soothing. However, this lens does have a problem focusing into infinity. In order to get a reasonably sharp focus into infinity, I must close the aperture to somewhere about 8+ which is troublesome. But I bought this lens with portraits in mind anyway. Doesn't matter.

I really can't do "nothing". It just destroys me both inside and out. When I'm doing nothing, I feel completely defeated, tired, lazy and everything negative. But constantly having something to do just gives another sense of tiredness altogether. Hahahahaha! I have no clue how I'm going to survive the next few decades. I always imagine myself fighting the world (and sometimes I do feel as if I'm doing so). I'm a perfectionist, yet I am less than perfect. I am full of darkness and the only light I see is in the end of this tunnel. Yet I have zero confidence that I will ever make it there. It's just so very far away... Everyone's so bright, shining. Compare to a shadow like me, they have a million more reasons to be there instead of me.

I guess that's why I became a Christian. Even as I feel so down, so in the dark, there's a voice in me that says: it's not true, you're better than you think you are. Maybe that's the voice of God, or maybe the voice He gave me. No matter what, I have Him to thank when this voice pops out in my head.

A song I chance upon today. A gift to both myself and two of my good friends. There are many things I wish both of them to know yet I can't say to them directly. I just wish them to know that they are perfect and they have my love, my assistance and my prayers always. And who are they? Would it be fun if I let you know? Hahahahahahaha! Maybe it's you. A clue, both of them a females. ;) (I'm still horrified at myself whenever I use emoticons...)

Under estimated, Look, I'm still around

Pretty, pretty please

If you ever, ever feel

Like your nothing

You're fuckin' perfect to me.

Make them like you Instead.

Such a tired game.

It's enough, I've done all I can think of

Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same.

Oh, Pretty, pretty please

Don't you ever, ever feel

Like your less than fuckin' perfect.

Pretty, pretty please

If you ever, ever feel

Like your nothing

You're fuckin' perfect to me.

But we try too hard, it's a waste of my time.

Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere

They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair

We change ourselves and we do it all the time

Pretty, pretty please

If you ever, ever feel

Like your nothing

You're fuckin' perfect to me.

Like your less than Fuckin' perfect.

Pretty, pretty please

If you ever, ever feel

Like your nothing

You're fuckin' perfect to me.

Just bought a new lens for S$250 today. It's a really old lens of German origin and I really like it. It has a really creamy texture to the bokeh and it's really sharp at areas that is in focus. It will open up a new world for some scenarios! My only complain being the tight focus ring, wish it a little looser... Anyway, a happy day!