It's been a while since I last recorded my life and lots have been happening. Xiaoqi and I have been growing closer, to my relief. It wasn't easy of course, we each have our own protrusions that we must learn to either smooth out or accept. Fortunately, both of us know how to take one step back and see things from other perspectives (with her being much better at it than me).

Watched Ballet Under The Star: Giselle the other day. Despite my inability to appreciate dances other than its demand for physical prowess, I thoroughly enjoyed the show. It's hard to say whether it was the person I'm with or the story of the performance, but it was a beautiful night. Mua mua mua~~~ Hahahahahahahaha!

Went to bake cupcake with the secondary school group too. It was... strange at best. We essentially made a normal cupcake dough and then throw whatever we could have gotten our hands on on top of them. It was great fun. Photos are done but I'm lazy to upload, tomorrow.

There are so many things to enjoy and be thankful about in my life right now, yet I still feel down. Ha, probably because I'm not sleeping enough. Maybe a little anxious about the incoming changes that I'll experience too. It is university after all. What's the point of walking into a new environment if you don't get a bit worked up about it?

Hahahahahahaha! Now, I have found my way. Guess I'll have Him to thank yet again, trumping the probability of a billion to one. Continue like this and I'll start to hate You. To crush my hope again and again, only to pull it backup stronger with something random. It is painful you know.

Anyway, with confidence, time to move forward.

I am currently speechless. Maybe I am angry at myself. Maybe I'm angry at life itself. I envy the intelligence of others. An intelligence that seems to be always there, unchanging. It is unlike mine, triggered by either clarity of thought or intensity of pressure. It is not intelligence that am envy of, it is its unchanging nature. Because deep down, an intelligence, a sensitivity that changes is uncertain, wavering, fragile. Such qualities are prone to failure. While I believe failure being good in the long scheme of things, they are failure nonetheless. And failures hurt people. Often those whom you care and love too.

Such is not without solution however as this intelligence is triggered by pressure which is induced by failure. But it doesn't change the hurt like how it changes my intelligence.

While I can repeatedly learn from the error of my ways, I also learned to fear. What if I weren't so "lucky" next time? I may never get a chance to learn about my mistakes again. Life often offers only limited chances. God has almost always favored me enough to present the option of redemption. But I fear deeply that my next failure won't be as kind to me. My current failure may not even be. Even though I wish, with every fiber of my being that it would.

I guess life is ultimately unkind. It challenges you, asks difficult questions, presents no way out only to save you in the very end. Some fall and let go before it pulls them up. I won't. There is simply too much to lose, too much that I have lost, too much that I will lose, and too much to look forward to.

I shall sign off with a piece of something that always manage to calm my heart.


It calms the present but looks towards the future. It is a piece that is like a bird flying across a calm lake. Always loved it. And I believe everything will be fine. For every door closed, there will be a window. And if the window closed, a chimney for me to climb.

Hello world.


Ha... On hindsight, I sound as pretentious as ever, loathing myself as if I have the right to do so. To sum all these up, three words: I am sorry.

It hurts much more to hurt others than to get hurt yourself... Ah... The hardest two days in my life. I do wish I can cry sometimes, the feeling of everything holding up in me is sometimes really... Too much to bear... Why... Why can't I save anyone, friends or family. What is my point of existence if I can't even realize my dream on the tiniest of scale?

Sometimes, life forces to face certain questions. They are neither urgent nor needed. They are simply questions arisen and left unanswered. It is like having a bump on a record. A sour note amidst the sweetest of melodies. It is the black dot on a snow white page. It is like discovering the first negative thing of someone you so dearly love. It is almost always this severe contrast that leads you towards the first low in any relationship. It is never something important, it just is something that stands out.

This is not the first time. There is no reason. I can't even recall the question that arise and bothered me. It's probably one of those that disturbed my sense of "being". It questions my right as... a... human...

Shut up and look at the photos!

The biggest off season branded market I've ever seen.

Kids who wave and shout everytime they pass beneath a bridge.

Giant art pieces at the side of the river.

The Louvre Museum.

GIANT painting.

This is what it really looks like there.

Favorite painting.

Favorite painting 2.

With another painting in the back depicting the exact same scene of David killing Goliath viewed from the other side.

Laundry statue!

When the Christians reached there, they chipped off the penis as it is seen as obscene. THEN WHY LEFT THE BALLS?!

Best picture of the entire trip!

Weird font.

Quite sad really. But somehow, his picture looks much more vivid in water.

This is a shopping mall. YES! SHOPPING MALL! You French pricks. Even your shopping malls look so wonderful.

The A380!

Sunset above the clouds.

Why did I name this "Oh Crap Europe"? You may wonder. Well, it's because of Paris. We heard many jokes and warnings about Paris. The most dangerous city in Europe as many have said. Stories of armed robberies that left people lying in hospital, a family getting robbed 3 times in 5 days. There were so many stories. Admittedly, they are frightening. Still, Paris seems like a decent place. It is just unique in so many different ways. Apartment homes, monuments, sculptures and carvings are among the many others that impressed me. But still, this place holds no attraction to me. Nobody I've decided to care for is here.