I really can't do "nothing". It just destroys me both inside and out. When I'm doing nothing, I feel completely defeated, tired, lazy and everything negative. But constantly having something to do just gives another sense of tiredness altogether. Hahahahaha! I have no clue how I'm going to survive the next few decades. I always imagine myself fighting the world (and sometimes I do feel as if I'm doing so). I'm a perfectionist, yet I am less than perfect. I am full of darkness and the only light I see is in the end of this tunnel. Yet I have zero confidence that I will ever make it there. It's just so very far away... Everyone's so bright, shining. Compare to a shadow like me, they have a million more reasons to be there instead of me.
I guess that's why I became a Christian. Even as I feel so down, so in the dark, there's a voice in me that says: it's not true, you're better than you think you are. Maybe that's the voice of God, or maybe the voice He gave me. No matter what, I have Him to thank when this voice pops out in my head.
A song I chance upon today. A gift to both myself and two of my good friends. There are many things I wish both of them to know yet I can't say to them directly. I just wish them to know that they are perfect and they have my love, my assistance and my prayers always. And who are they? Would it be fun if I let you know? Hahahahahahaha! Maybe it's you. A clue, both of them a females. ;) (I'm still horrified at myself whenever I use emoticons...)
Perfect
Made a wrong turn, Once or twice
Dug my way out, Blood and fire
Bad decisions, That's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss "no way, it's all good", It didn't slow me down
Mistaken, Always second guessing
Under estimated, Look, I'm still around
Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than Fuckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me.
You're so mean,
When you talk, About yourself, You are wrong.
Change the voices, In your head
Make them like you Instead.
So complicated,
Look happy, You'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game.
It's enough, I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same.
Oh, Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than fuckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me.
The whole world stares so I swallow the fear,
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer.
So cool in line and we try, try, try,
But we try too hard, it's a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
We change ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?
(Why do I do that?)
[Yeah~, Ohh~ pretty pretty please, Ohh~]
Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than Fuckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me.
You're perfect, You're perfect
Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than Fuckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me.
Categories:
Christianity,
Rant