What do you do when you lose faith in yourself? I usually talk to my parents, pray and listen to music. Talking to parents is not a long term solution. They are human. They won't be always there for me or be always patient enough to listen to me. I can't take that as granted. Praying yields strange result. While God has always provide me with answers, part of me just refuse to believe it. Though it is just a very small part of me, this internal conflict still drives me crazy. It whispers all the things I'm trying to stuck away. It says I'm weak, cannot be relied on. It says I'm useless, not worthy to be walking along those who are radiant. And music is like drugs, very temporary.

Right now, I am combining the three to achieve the best effect. But without something better, I don't know how long these can last. Though I guess I'm also ignoring the temporary nature of life. This just makes life feel more and more like a game in which you need to keep up the "Happiness" meter... Hahahahaha!