To mark my first day of being a 21st year old, I got lost... On the way home from camp today, I somehow alighted 2-4 stops after where I'm supposed to have come off. Thus, I ended up in Jurong Port. For the first time, I was completely lost. I couldn't find the bus back. I couldn't find any taxi. I was completely lost. At first I told myself that today is surely one of the most unfortunate day of this month. Fortunately, I quickly started looking at this whole incident in another light.

It was the perfect time for self-reflection. I was lost, alone, without anything that can possibly disturb my mood or my thinking. And again, I was thinking about my belief...

My parents always believe that my choice of belief is distorted by something, an overly charismatic pastor, false dreams of a perfect world, me falling for someone, cheated by a friend, etc. My mom has come up with so many theories that I can hardly keep track. They told me not to water baptize before 24 with the reason "then you can see the world in a clearer way". Ha... Actually, they were betting on me being overseas again by then. Honestly, sometimes even I wonder why am I believing in Him. Divine intervention? Nah... Don't think I'm important enough. Friends' influence? Very likely, my closest friend is a Christian after all (still feeling slightly bad about not going to his church instead but I can't just leave all my friends now just like that after so long).

Perhaps I was lost then. You know, just like when I was on that road today, not knowing where to go. And I needed to believe in something, like I would find an empty taxi willing to bring me home at the next stretch of road or the next junction. And indeed, a empty taxi came while I was crossing the junction. I waved and gestured whether he's still willing to take passengers (I know I can just go in and he can't reject me, but hey, be nice.). He shook his head. No. A hope. A hope lost. It's ok. Happened plenty of times before. It was wrong for me to believe in whatever I was believing in a few minutes back. But it's ok.

That was a wrong belief. Then I saw an overhead bridge. Should I cross? Will I find the bus that will carry me home on the other side? I believed again and I crossed. And I found it! Yes, this is the right belief! But it is just a belief, nothing more. A belief unanswered doesn't hold much meaning. But it was this moment, another empty taxi appeared. I wanted to wave but I was too late. Yet it stopped anyway! I boarded and told the driver the direction, he got me home within 15 min.

If you are lost at this point, so am I. All I want to say is this:
I believe in God not because He dragged me here or I heard someone calling for me or being deceived or being convinced. I believe in Him because by chance I stumbled upon Him due to a series of kindness, kindness of the ladies of my old church, kindness of my very ill camp team leader, kindness of a old friend from my JC and kindness from my cell group. And finally and most importantly, He answered my belief with blessings so great that I can never thank Him enough.

This is not a testimony. It is just my screwed up experiences of finding my belief. My parents wanted me to choose my belief again after I'm grown up. Now that I am 21 (legally grown up), I want to declare that I believe in Him, in kindness and in love.

That's all.